So yeach.

There goes. I made a posts on the interwebs.

Update on why I'm not a happy camper and probably wont be by as often as You'd wish or maybe more often then you'd want, that depends on you, not me, but i digress.

As you know or don't my life sucks dhiarhetic anus.

After all the stress and bad luck we've had in teh past centuries; my wife now has cancer. We're 3 out of 6 chemo-sessions along, but today's session had to be postponed because her white blood cell count is way too low.

this wouldn't be a problem, but of course we have our only vacation this year planned end of august. Measured out so it would fall in her "good" week. Which now becomes her not-so-good week.

Implication : we get to take a nanny along because I can't take care of my three kids AND my wife and still call it a vacation.... So yeah

one week this year of family time becomes anotehr week spent with add-ons. As if it isn't enough that when I get up in the morning there's allready grandparents or whomever in my livingroom....

Ah well.

And because one gets used to all things, and at a certain time even in this situation, one says "hey it isnt so bad", you get a fresh shower : my daughter can't hold her pee. We spent a year being angry about that, but now after a bit of mediacl research it turns out she just CANT hold it. great. I've been mad at her for nothing. Hello guilt !

Her muscle tissue around her bladder is twice teh size it should be, because she's been trying so hard to keep it up. result : now she ALWAYS feels pee, and can't really control those muscles anymore. Her bladder decides on its own when to pee. And it's our own fault, for laying that guilt onher. Fucking great.

So back to potty training a four year old.

Ah well.....

Ah fuck Tom, I'm so sorry. Its a lot on you both... and you are so young. There aren't even words. Won't even try to make you feel better...what could I possibly say to make you feel better?

If it isn't too much to talk about, what happened? I know they did a double masectomy on Inez... I assume either they didn't get it all or that it has spread elsewhere? Do they give a prognosis?

And most of all... can I help? In any way?

No

Single, right breast.

But after checking said breast they found teh spread was closer to the edge then anticipated so it's preventive chemo now. Only way to know wether it works is if she doesn't get cancer again :s

Which of course kind of sucks but hell.

After that, there'sll be 6weeks of radiation treatment and then they'll shut down her hormones for 5 years, effectively firing up her menopause at age 35.

This last one of course raises chances of uteral cancer, but that's a matter to be reckoned with if that problem poses itself.

So about this time next year she should have a fully reconstructed breast and hair again, but foir now, it ain't fun.

Kids don't like it either but whatchagonna do, right ?

I'm glad it was only single and I surely do hope this round of chemo will get the last vestiges of it forever.

Of course the kids don't like it, I'm sure they don't totally understand.

Hang in there bud... you have a shitload of ... well.. shit.. on your plate. You can always come here to tell people how you really feel... I know you can't do it on Facebook or other places where family, etc. can see it.

They understand better, and more, then you'd think.
Martha doesn't mention it, often, but at times she says things that make you turn your head and rethink wether you understood what she said correctly. Even in her worst fits of anger she will kick scream and rip and claw, but she will never pull on Inez' wig....

Lowie often comes up with questions concering how you get cancer, what can be done about it, why do people get it, does brushing your teeth more often help ? Will it go away, Will mommy die? (he doesn't believe me for more then 90% when I tell her she wont )

Oscar can walk now, so he spends his time running after inez to bring her scarves to put on her head when she isn't wearing her wig. And he hugs her more often then he stictly should.

I forget that we've known each for such a long time and your kids are big enough to truly grasp the situation. It doesn't seem so long ago...

The Breakfast Club was 2002 , doll. Almost ten years ago, almost a third of most ouf our ages.

Lowie turns six end of this month. How old is Heike now, Cru ? Eight ?

We've all seen, experienced, grown and wept a lot in those days. Many mistakes were made. Many wrongs comitted. Crisises averted and suffered.

Fuck me I'm turning into some melancholic old fuck... Shoot me.

Heike is 7, starting his second year in school on hte 24.th this month^^
But yeah, time flies it seems and Pepe I'm sending Inez all the good vibes and happy thoughts i've got. I can't imagine how it must be like but you have my deepest sympathies * hug *

Thanks.

Lowie started school. Which is great, he finally gets to learn how to read and write, he's benn dying to be able to do that.

As of yesterday, we're 5 down out of 6 chemofucksessions. The nauseau gets worse with each one, so we'ere counting down.

Martha is reacting well to the training, she hasn't pee'd her pants anymore recently (well she has, but only "drops" not all-out-see-if-ya-can-absorb-THIS-pants! - pee bouts....)

I'm still smoking. Quit for 6 years and now I'm totally hooked again, which sucks anus, but i can't get myself to quit again. Weak, i know. Sue me.

Which leads to my sinusitis getting worse, but that's teh least of my worries.

Inez's boss has decided to close shop. She's tired of it. So she's unemployed on top off sick... that'll be fun. Applying with 2mm hair and a history of cancer.

But let's not look to the future, let's look to windward, or something meaningless like that.

Fuck my life. All I wanted was a fish tank, enough money to be comfortable, and an occasional blowjob;

At least I have a fish tank...